Tag Archives: parents

You are just like your dad

My dad-I went to the doctor today. She wears her hair in cornfields now.
Me-you mean cornrows dad.
My dad-oh, yes, that’s it.
My daughter-laughed and said you are just like your dad!
Me-that’s true. I am just like my dad but even worse you are just like me.
My daughter-laughed and said sadly you are right.



I was watching Chopped with my kids. I said “I could go on that show and win”
My son said “no, you couldn’t”
I said “well, I could at least go on that show and not get chopped first”
My son said “no, you couldn’t”
I said “I could at least get on that show”
My son said “no you couldn’t”
I looked at the Mac N Cheese and chicken nuggets that was their lunch.
I said “no I couldn’t”

There is an elephant in the store

My daughter and I were walking through the grocery store. A person in an elephant costume with a sign around it’s neck walked by. I read the sign out loud, “number sign elephant?” My daughter laughed, it’s hashtag elephant, mom.
It’s all a matter of perspective.
Just an after thought. We didn’t question the elephant in the store, we only discussed my lack of cool because I didn’t say hashtag.

Cheeseburger with no cheese

I took my kids to a local burger place for dinner. I ordered for my daughter. She wanted a kids cheeseburger meal. I ordered it and the clerk said they had cheeseburgers but with no cheese. I was surprised, no cheese? At all? Really? I asked the girl if she was sure. She said that’s right we have no cheese, except goat cheese. I wanted to say why does a burger place like this have goat cheese but I didn’t really want to know. I just wanted to feed my kids and go home. I held back my need to tell her that a cheeseburger with no cheese is a hamburger. My son ordered his dinner. We got our burgers and sat down. I looked at my son’s meal and it was a cheeseburger. Cheese between each layer. Orange processed cheese. I asked my son how he got cheese and he said he just ordered a double cheeseburger. Then my daughter starts with how come he got cheese. I went to the counter and asked the clerk for cheese for my daughter. I reminded her that she said the restaurant had no cheese. She just stared at me. She said nothing. Another clerk came up and put a piece of cold cheese wrapped in plastic on a plate, gave it to me and pointed at the tip jar. I would have taken anything orange to give my daughter at that point. I was so frustrated I told my kids we would never come back, but truth be told I know eventually we will. The kids do too. They looked at me and smiled while I ranted about the cheese. The burger place will have a toy with the meal and it will be late and the kids will be hungry and I will be tired and I will go and they will probably be out of cheese.

Just to let you know I didn’t put anything in the tip jar.

Can’t drive a go-cart

I took my kids to a go-cart place. It was for my sons birthday. The kids were so excited to go. I was first in line when the attendant at the ride told me to go. My cart wouldn’t go anywhere. The line behind me was getting long. The attendant came over and said Miss press the green pedal not the red one. Oops. My kids shook their head as they passed me on the track. Yep, I drove them here but can’t start a go-cart.

What not to sing in Sunday School

I was about five and I went to Sunday School for the first time. I was asked by the little old lady who was teaching the class if there was a song I’d like to sing. I said Yes, can we sing “You Can Take Barnie Out Of The Bar Room But You Can’t Take The Bar Room Out Of Barnie”
I can still see the look of horror in the teachers eyes as she sweetly said she didn’t know that one.

Cute kid?

I saw a little girl about five at the bookstore pushing a stroller. She said hi, I smiled said hi and told her she had a cute baby in her stroller. She said in an irritated voice “it’s not real, and the dog is stuffed too!” She looked at her sister and said “I can’t believe she doesn’t know this stuff”
I haven’t decided if that was cute yet…jury is still out.

Is it hot in here?

Drove my new to me car up the coast with my daughter. It was hot in the car so I turned on the A/C. Even with the A/C it was hot. I asked my daughter if she was hot and she said no. It felt like I was sitting in the sun. I was baking. I complained more to my daughter. She said “Mom, you have the seat warmer on high and it’s 100 outside, that’s why you’re hot”
I didn’t know I had a seat warmer. Now I do.