What not to sing in Sunday School

I was about five and I went to Sunday School for the first time. I was asked by the little old lady who was teaching the class if there was a song I’d like to sing. I said Yes, can we sing “You Can Take Barnie Out Of The Bar Room But You Can’t Take The Bar Room Out Of Barnie”
I can still see the look of horror in the teachers eyes as she sweetly said she didn’t know that one.

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Can I buy a sword?

In the toy section of Target my son said “mom can I get a sword?” As the words were still leaving his mouth he grabbed the semi foam sword and stabbed his sister in the stomach. She doubled over wailing because it hurt.
Well, that was an easy no. Easiest parenting decision I have ever made.

Cute kid?

I saw a little girl about five at the bookstore pushing a stroller. She said hi, I smiled said hi and told her she had a cute baby in her stroller. She said in an irritated voice “it’s not real, and the dog is stuffed too!” She looked at her sister and said “I can’t believe she doesn’t know this stuff”
I haven’t decided if that was cute yet…jury is still out.

Is it hot in here?

Drove my new to me car up the coast with my daughter. It was hot in the car so I turned on the A/C. Even with the A/C it was hot. I asked my daughter if she was hot and she said no. It felt like I was sitting in the sun. I was baking. I complained more to my daughter. She said “Mom, you have the seat warmer on high and it’s 100 outside, that’s why you’re hot”
I didn’t know I had a seat warmer. Now I do.

I did not pee my pants in the grocery store

I went to the beach and the waves were huge from a hurricane out in the ocean. We planned to just walk in the sand but the waves were so big they knocked us down and before we could get up another one completely covered us. I crawled out of the ocean drenched, encrusted in sand and laughing.
I didn’t want to drench the car seats so I sat on my flip flops. It didn’t help the seats stay dry it just made my ride uncomfortable.
I needed milk for breakfast for my kids so I stopped at a food store. I was covered in sand and wet but thought I’d just run in quickly.
I grabbed the milk and got in line. The older man in line ahead of me was arguing over the price of grapes. I waited, and waited. I looked down and sand was falling off me. There was a pile of it by my feet. I felt a little uncomfortable. Hurry up with the grapes guy. I’m still standing in line and noticed the water was dripping from the cuffs of my Jean capri pants. I was now standing in a small puddle. I was more than uncomfortable I was embarrassed. My son must have gotten tired of waiting in the car. He showed up behind me in line. He was drenched too. He looked at me. He looked at the puddle by my feet and said Miss the depends are in isle four. The people around me stared. The old man with the grapes nodded, and said yep isle four.

Hamsters don’t sleep at night

My daughter’s hamster had all day to run on his wheel and didn’t. Now, in the middle of the night he won’t stop.

Texting tips from my daughter

You don’t have to say the words out loud as you text them. A “helpful” hint from my daughter to me.

Evidence I love my daughter

We recently moved and my kids haven’t met any friends yet. We went to the park and a couple girls my daughters age started talking to her. They all started to play. I was pleased, until their mom came and sat down by me. She took off her cover up and was sitting in a bikini showing me her new navel piercing . Then she took out a bottle of beer and cut a slice of lime. She took out her phone and as she talked to me she sipped her beer and took selfies. I don’t think I could have been more uncomfortable. I stayed for my daughter.

More evidence I love my kids!

Question from my daughter

“How come your funny on posts but not in real life” my daughter asked me this
Ouch!

Evidence I love my children

Occasionally I will post proof of my love for my children. I will show it to them or their therapist when they are older.

I took my kids to a WWE event. Over three hours of wrestling! People in the audience dressed in face paint and boas, chanting, waving signs…

I watched frozen. More than once.
Then listened to my daughters friend sing (screech) the songs for hours and I smiled…

This list will continue…