Where am I going

My kids wanted to go see a country concert last night. I agreed we should go. How could I not go, my kids wanted me to go with them. Soon they might not.  I was on the phone and mentioned the concert to my brother. 

I said “we are going to see a concert tonight, Angelina Ballerina”

My daughter said “it’s Kelsea Ballerini. Angelina Ballerina is a child’s book. About a mouse”

I laughed and said “Whoops. It’s kinda close, sort of”.

She said “Nope. Not one bit”       but I saw her smile, even though she tried not to. 

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Dating

My daughter said she had a dating question. I told her to ask anything she wanted. 

She said “do old people find other old people attractive, or do they just have to date in their range?”

(I wonder if she thinks I’m in the old people category?)

Old records

I had a stack of records I just took out of a box. My cat came over and sniffed them. Then he bit the corner of the record cover off and walked away. My daughter said “Looks like he has a taste for 80’s rock” 

Insecure

I accepted a facebook friend request a week ago. The request was from a guy I knew who is very successful in the film business. We had been out of touch for a few years. I looked at his FB pictures and was amazed by the incredible pictures of his travels. He travels all around the world! Now I regret accepting his request. I looked at my FB pictures and suddenly feel inadequate. I haven’t posted a picture since I became his friend. I am shocked by the grandeur of his life. I hit a low point in my life and was feeling ok that I’m somehow surviving, now I don’t feel that way.These are a few of my pictures and his pictures.

My picture- Ice cream with my kids. I used all the change I could find to buy it and I had a coupon. I also used the old excuse that I wasn’t hungry because I couldn’t afford another icecream.                                                His picture-at the Italian Rivera having gelato. (Somehow I doubt he used a coupon for his gelato or paid for his flight with change)

My picture-paintings my kids made. (By the way I had a coupon for the two hour art class where they painted.                                   His picture-waiting in line to see The Last Supper. I’m thinking there were no coupons involved here either.

My picture-my birthday meal at chick fil a.                                                             His picture-His birthday meal he ate while at the French Alps. (Too bad for him no chicken strips, I assume)

I went to Studio City

He went to Switzerland. 

If I could unfriend him I would but I think he would notice. If I post I hope he is just too busy looking at his other friends lives to notice my posts. So if you follow me on FB and notice I stopped posting now you know why. It’s nothing my FB friend did that makes me want to unfriend. To quote George Costanza “it’s not you, it’s me” 

I didn’t know

My daughter raised one eyebrow at me. She said “This is my Dominant eyebrow. Right handed, Left Eyebrowed”

Mom can’t come along

I went out on a golf course to watch my son play golf. I rode along with him in the cart. I know nothing about golf. 

My son said “it’s in! It’s in!”

His friends said “it’s in? Yes!! It’s in!!

I said “I don’t see it. In where? In the hole?”

He said “no in that bunker over there about 600 yards away. Of course in the hole” (read that with sarcasm)
I said “I’m not coming next time am I?”
He said “I can’t believe you even asked” 

I said “I’ll take that as a maybe”

Don’t eat the samples

My son was offered a sample of food at a local market. He took a bite and whispered that’s horrible and looked like he was going to spit it out on his plate while he was standing near the sample stand. I said, “NO, don’t spit it like that” I grabbed a napkin and told him to step away from people and he discreetly put it in the napkin. I gave him a quick mom lecture on manners. Then my daughter came up to us. She said “try this” while tossing food in my mouth. My first reaction was the same as my son. I needed to spit it out! He grabbed a napkin and I went around the isle to try to discreetly spit it out.
My son said “told you so” Funny guy! Why would I open my mouth to anything after I saw my son spit food? I will never know…

Mom I’m going to puke

My daughter had been telling me she wasn’t feeling well. She was resting on the couch all day. She walked over to me and said “I’m sick” and I knew she was going to puke, NOW. She was standing at a doorway. On one side of her was carpet. The other side was hardwood. I quickly turned her toward the hardwood. My only thoughts were it’s easier to clean vomit from hardwood than carpet and I knew she wouldn’t make it to the bathroom to puke. So yes, she instantly puked, on the hardwood. Yes, it was much easier to clean but I feel a bit guilty that my first response when I knew puking was immediate and inevitable was to direct it away from the carpet.

Are my kids laughing with me or at me?

I was watching TV with my kids. I had the remote and I was flipping through the guide.

Me-Hey, kids let’s watch Expendables 2. I didn’t know they had a two.
Son-You would let us watch that?
Me-Sure, why not?
Son-Really, we could watch it?
Me-Why not. We saw the first Expendables.
Daughter-No, we didn’t.
Me-Yes, we did. Remember that family, in the super hero suits. The mom was elastic and stretchy and the dad was super strong. We have seen that a million times.

Both kids burst into laughter!

Son-That was The Incredibles, mom. NOT The Expendables.
Daughter-Big difference.
Me-Yep, big difference.

We laughed!
Me-You are laughing with me not at me right?
Daughter-Nope, we are laughing at you.

He tried

My kids daddy came to see them for the holidays. He was on great behavior. I saw glimpses of the man I use to know. The kids have rarely seen him like that. They were so happy. He listened to them, played with them, laughed at their jokes. It was their best gift of all. Sadly, his visit was one too many days. He was leaving tomorrow and came unglued today. The good news was he fought his demons for a whole week. The bad news was the demons won again.