Tag Archives: humor

Tug of war

I participated in a tug of war. It was my first and last tug of war. There were about 20 people on each side. The other side tugged hard and I didn’t let go quick enough. My hands were full of rope burns. I stopped at a fast food place when we were almost home. I saw a paramedic in the restaurant and showed him my hands. He made a few suggestions gave me ice for them and suggested I not join in future tug of wars.
So here is my life lesson. Life is the tug of war. I can’t hold on too tight. If I hold on tight thinking I can stop inevitable change in my life I get rope burns. I need to learn when to let go of the rope.
I also learned to never join a tug of war and that I probably shouldn’t ask paramedics I don’t know for medical advice in fast food joints. Live and learn.


Cold burgers

As I waited in line at McDonald’s the guy ahead of me asked to have his burger put in the microwave. The clerk told him “all our burgers are precooked so you don’t have to worry that it’s not done”. He said “yeah, but I like my food hot when I eat it”
Their conversation made me laugh, but the fact that I still ordered food when he was done in spite of his cold burger made me laugh more.
In case you wondered my burger was cold too…

I deleted her pictures?!

I was going through my pictures on my phone. I needed more space so I was deleting pictures and apps. I was going through pictures a friend sent me on dropbox too. There were 250 pictures of her baby being baptized. I decided to delete some of them. I’d never seen the baby and I hadn’t seen her in three years and she lives in Asia now. As I was deleting I got an email from her, it said “stop deleting my child’s baptism pictures!” Apparently I was deleting the pictures in her dropbox and mine. I didn’t know! Now she is upset with me because I deleted her child’s baptism pictures, from my dropbox and hers and that I didn’t care enough about her child to keep all of the 250 pictures.
Yep, that’s a great way to start my new year.

Rich People Christmas Gift Problems

Here are a couple rich people Christmas gift problems.

He was given a very expensive watch. He had shown me pictures of the watch a few days before he got it. He told me how much he wanted it. After the watch was given to him he said he didn’t like it. I told him that he showed me that exact watch and said how much he loved it. He said “the wrong person from my business gave me the watch so now I don’t like it anymore” He decided he would just take it home and put it in a drawer and they would soon forget they gave it to him. He said “that’s what I did with the hot air balloon weekend I got last year, I wonder if that expired”

Gift two
He got a weekend at a spa. His response was “Ewww…what kind of gift is that?”

Talking in my sleep

I was reminded of this story by a dear old friend. He said it was the anniversary of this “event”

My friend and I were flying to my parents home for Christmas. It was a five hour flight. We both ate cute little turkey sandwiches cut in four pieces with brightly colored toothpicks holding the sandwich fourths together. Shortly after I ate I fell asleep leaning against him. He said I started to mumble a little in my sleep. We had traveled together before so that wasn’t a surprise to him. Then I got a little louder, and louder. I started saying “aaaaa, aaaaaaaa, AHHHHH” He was getting a little embarrassed so he nudged me a little to wake me. Then I got louder and a littler clearer, “the toothpick, I swallowed the toothpick, I SWALLOWED THE TOOTHPICK”. He said everyone was looking at us at this point. Some were concerned. He was telling the people I was fine not to worry as he tried to wake me. I awoke to people looking at me. He explained to me what happened and I told him I had a dream that I had eaten the toothpick in the sandwich. We laughed and people continued to glance at us. He said he’d never fly with me again, but that was a lie because he has flown with me many times. He never let’s me forget the toothpick story, he reminds me every year on our “toothpick aversary”

Talked to my college roommate

I received a call from my college roommate last night. It had been about six years. She used phrases like magnificent, on the other side of incredible, insanely in love as she described her life. My life is lacking exciting adjectives. It’s been a tough year for me and I had considered it a good year because I persevered. Now, I’m not satisfied.
I need a thesaurus for next year or maybe just for her next call.

A lesson about the Rolls Royce

Did you know that the hood ornament on a Rolls Royce retracts into the car when the car is turned off? I was counting the money in my wallet before I went into the grocery store this morning. (Twenty two dollars, if you were wondering) I watched the Rolls Royce pull up next to my car and noticed the hood ornament disappear into the hood. I was forced to squint to see it because the diamond earrings of the driver were sparkling so much in the sun it hurt my eyes. In spite of the sparkle and squint I was able to see the hood ornament fold into the car.

One Lovely Blog Award

I was nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award by http://agirlnamedwanda.com Thankyou for the nomination!!! “You like me, you really like me” (thank you Sally Fields)

The One Lovely Blog Award nominations are chosen by bloggers for newer and up-and-coming bloggers. They give recognition and help new bloggers. It recognizes blogs that are considered to be “lovely” by fellow bloggers.
Thanks again http://agirlnamedwanda.com and everyone go check out her blog!

Seven things about me.
1-I crashed an Eddie Murphy party.
2-I was trapped downtown in the LA riots.
3-I smoked cigars on a terrace with Milton Berle
4-I survived the Northridge earthquake
5-I was in a fitting room and walked out to look in the mirror. Standing next to me looking in the same mirror wearing the same dress was Tammy Faye Baker. (I didn’t buy the dress or ever walk in that store again) I went to Fat Burger after the dress crisis and sat down next to Jessica Hahn.
5-I have been in the tunnels at NFL football games as the teams ran through. The roar of the crowd was amazing.
6-I have hugged Brad Pitt
7-I was filming a documentary at a famous musicians house. It was late afternoon on Halloween. I sat in the living room eating full size candy bars from a bowl he intended to give the trick or treaters. Before we (the crew) realized it we had eaten all his candy. We didn’t tell him. We just left. As we walked out trick or treater were walking up to his door.
8-My car spun around and did a 180 on a LA freeway. There wasn’t a car anywhere. I wasn’t hurt. I have never seen a freeway empty like that. I was pregnant. That was my miracle.

I nominate

The rules
To “accept” the award the nominated blogger must follow several guidelines:

Thank the person who nominated you for the award.
Add the One Lovely Blog logo to your post.
Share 7 facts/or things about yourself
Nominate 15 bloggers you admire and inform the nominees by commenting on their blogs

Rich people problems 3

He was at the office for a couple hours and needed a massage therapist to come in and give him a massage before lunch. He had an old sports injury that was “acting up”. He said “it was an intense massage, almost brought me to tears when he worked on my bad shoulder” After the massage he planned to go out for lunch and then go home. He said “it has been a draining day. I almost had to go out for a business dinner, so glad I dodged that bullet”

As he left he said “God, I have to look for another job”

More rich people problems to come.