I was invited to have dinner at the house of a film producer I have worked for. I would like to be hired on future jobs by him so I thought I should go. I didn’t really want to go because his wife is so unusual. Four other people were going so I thought I could make it through one dinner. I reminded myself that it’s only a couple hours, When I arrived the table was set and there was a box that said ovulation test kit sitting in the middle of the table. Instead of flowers? I don’t know… Eventually she replace the box with a bowl full of salad.
I survived the dinner small talk but I can’t say the same for his other guests. The hosts wife told them how much she disliked their church, the leaders of their church, the founders of their church, the denomination of their church. Yep, that was uncomfortable! The other guests were kind and gracious to her, I was impressed. The host tried to divert her attention but she was relentless. At the first opportunity they were out the door. I was trying to follow them but she insisted I come in the kitchen. She said she wanted to give me a doggie bag of her dinner. I tried telling her no (because it was awkward and the food was terrible) but she insisted. I gave in to the doggie bag so I could leave. She emptied a wonder bread bag that contained a few slices of bread and used that to pack my doggie bag. She used her hand and reached into a bowl containing vegetables and scooped a handful out and tossed it in the bread bag. Then she scooped out some pasta, with her hand and tossed it in the bread bag. She continued scooping some food from each bowl with her hand and filling the bread bag until I had some from each bowl. There were layers of vegetables, pasta, marinara sauce, chicken, potatoes, salad, bread, pickles, and a piece of cake all in one bag. I have to admit it looked terrible and I’m not a fan of mixing too many foods together. I smiled and thanked her, but all I wanted to do was leave. She said sit down, let’s talk. I sat at the table and listened for twenty minutes about how hard it was to get a housekeeper you can count on, how their house was just too big. She said “You should count yourself lucky not to be burdened with a house this big, do you know how big of a staff I have to manage. Just be glad you have a very small house” Then in mid sentence she stopped, went to her ovulation test kit picked it up and said she hopes she’s ovulating, maybe she should check and asked if I wanted to know if she was. No, no I did not. I just wanted to leave. I quickly said I must go and picked up my bread bag and said thank you and left.
No, I didn’t eat the bread bag combo she gave me. No, I won’t go back. No, I don’t know if she was ovulating. But I hope I am hired on his next movie because I deserve it after that evening.
I was looking at some old pictures with a friend today. There were pictures of me at about twenty five years old, when I worked at a young hip production company (we made the special effects in some of the biggest films of that time) I was dressed all trendy in the pictures and then there were seven pictures of me at work dressed like a fifty year old Midwestern librarian. My friend asked me what happened to me in those pictures. I told her this. My mom was very sick and came out to Los Angeles to visit me. I couldn’t believe she was able to make the trip. When she saw me dressed for work she said “oh you don’t have to wear that to work, honey. I have some cute things you can wear” So I let her dress me head to toe all week. In her pleated skirts, paisley blouses, plastic beaded necklaces, clip on button earrings and my hair in a bun. She bought me panty hose too. She raved about how good I looked and asked if my boyfriend liked my new clothes. I thanked her for the compliments and assured (read that lied to her) that my boyfriend (who was in a hard rock band) liked my new look, a lot. She was pleased by that information. Mom was sure I would be much more successful at work if I wore a little less denim and a lot more knee length flowered skirts. I received many curious stares that week, but no one asked why I had changed my style. Mom went home and I wore my own clothes again. Mom didn’t live much longer after her visit. I’m glad I made her happy that week. I pull out the clip on earring on occasion as a nod to her, it probably makes her smile.
I was watching TV with my kids. I had the remote and I was flipping through the guide.
Me-Hey, kids let’s watch Expendables 2. I didn’t know they had a two.
Son-You would let us watch that?
Me-Sure, why not?
Son-Really, we could watch it?
Me-Why not. We saw the first Expendables.
Daughter-No, we didn’t.
Me-Yes, we did. Remember that family, in the super hero suits. The mom was elastic and stretchy and the dad was super strong. We have seen that a million times.
Both kids burst into laughter!
Son-That was The Incredibles, mom. NOT The Expendables.
Me-Yep, big difference.
Me-You are laughing with me not at me right?
Daughter-Nope, we are laughing at you.
I was working on a commercial in LA. I was talking to some of the talent about growing older.
Me – I can’t grow old in LA.
Him – what choice do you have? Death?
Me – I laughed!! A lot!
I was thinking of moving!
Him – I didn’t think of that
I was freelance and working on a commercial. One morning I came to the production office and there was someone new in the office. I introduced myself to her. She was about twenty one, tall and very cute. We made small talk and she said she was producing this commercial. I was surprised to hear that and asked where else she had worked. She said yesterday she was a bartender at a small restaurant and the owner of the production company came in and after a couple drinks hired her as a producer. I asked if she knew what a producer did and she said no. She also asked me to help her fill out a fed ex form. We went through each line. I thought it was self explanatory, I guess not. It took us 20 minutes to fill it out together. I thought we were done until she came back and asked if Illinois was the city or Chicago was the city because she “always gets that mixed up”. Yes, that was a long day