Tag Archives: failure

Insecure

I accepted a facebook friend request a week ago. The request was from a guy I knew who is very successful in the film business. We had been out of touch for a few years. I looked at his FB pictures and was amazed by the incredible pictures of his travels. He travels all around the world! Now I regret accepting his request. I looked at my FB pictures and suddenly feel inadequate. I haven’t posted a picture since I became his friend. I am shocked by the grandeur of his life. I hit a low point in my life and was feeling ok that I’m somehow surviving, now I don’t feel that way.These are a few of my pictures and his pictures.

My picture- Ice cream with my kids. I used all the change I could find to buy it and I had a coupon. I also used the old excuse that I wasn’t hungry because I couldn’t afford another icecream.                                                His picture-at the Italian Rivera having gelato. (Somehow I doubt he used a coupon for his gelato or paid for his flight with change)

My picture-paintings my kids made. (By the way I had a coupon for the two hour art class where they painted.                                   His picture-waiting in line to see The Last Supper. I’m thinking there were no coupons involved here either.

My picture-my birthday meal at chick fil a.                                                             His picture-His birthday meal he ate while at the French Alps. (Too bad for him no chicken strips, I assume)

I went to Studio City

He went to Switzerland. 

If I could unfriend him I would but I think he would notice. If I post I hope he is just too busy looking at his other friends lives to notice my posts. So if you follow me on FB and notice I stopped posting now you know why. It’s nothing my FB friend did that makes me want to unfriend. To quote George Costanza “it’s not you, it’s me” 

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Talked to my college roommate

I received a call from my college roommate last night. It had been about six years. She used phrases like magnificent, on the other side of incredible, insanely in love as she described her life. My life is lacking exciting adjectives. It’s been a tough year for me and I had considered it a good year because I persevered. Now, I’m not satisfied.
I need a thesaurus for next year or maybe just for her next call.

Flashback

I had a flashback while I was waiting at a stop light.

I sat in the car staring down at my bare legs in shorts. Avoiding eye contact as he yelled and cursed at me. Just a few more miles and we would be at our destination and he would get out of the car. When we arrived I changed seats and he left. I stared at my legs and just sat in the car. I realized at that moment I hated myself for allowing him to treat me like that. That’s when I knew it was over. Finally.